Day One And Counting

I am ready for school to start now.

Today is the first day of summer vacation.

Technically speaking, today is the day before the first day of summer vacation. Tomorrow is really the first day since today was supposedly a school day.

I use the expression school day loosely. It was more like 'drop your kids off and they'll get sugared up and then run screaming through campus until the teachers can't take it anymore and call you to come pick them up early' day. That's pretty much like most days, but today was an early release, so it was a little different.

So even though today is not technically the first day of summer vacation, I'm counting it anyway. Because really, I feel like it must be time for them to go back to school already. Summer has gone on too long, and I'm done. Five hours of summer break, and you can put a fork in me.

Here's where we're at:

1. One broken table - victim of Fred Astaire-esque dance routine
2. One cracked mirror - victim  of "good vs. evil battle to the death"
3. Two whacked knees - see #2
4. One bloody shin - see #2
5. Unknown quantity of stuck matches - for "decontaminating the bathroom"
6. One traumatized dog - victim of of attempt at "being a rodeo star"
7. One trashed house - result of three kids and dog all home at same time
8. One kitchen with zero clean dishes - see #7 and #15
9. One fridge razed by locusts - wait, we don't have those here. Must be kids.
10. Sixteen splinters - result of using sticks as weaponry and running through yard barefoot
11. Three goose eggs (not the Old MacDonald kind) - result of Fred Astaire-esque dance routine receiving a low score from self-appointed judges
12. One house that smells like sweaty kids - result of #s 1, 2, 6, 7, 10, 11, 13, and 14
13. Three self-diagnosed cases of cabin fever and boredom - result of kids being conscious and capable of speech
14. Four closets completely emptied out onto the floor - result of youngest child's "need" to find "the perfect outfit for being on summer vacation."
15. Two broken dishes - victims of the "I wonder how long these will last in the microwave" game, and the equally popular sequel, "Maybe this one will last longer."
16. One twitchy, muttering adult - result of all of the above

We've managed to fit these typical summer accomplishments into a period of about half a day. It might even be a new record.